Dear diary,
I think I’m bipolar. It scares me to think such a horrible thing, but I can’t think of any other explanation as to why I’m the way I am. I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t think I have the courage to actually act upon it, but the fact that it can even cross my mind freaks me out. I’m at a point in my life where I think I should be really happy, but I’m just not. Everything seems to be falling into place, everything doesn’t seem to be falling into place.
My mood swings are getting old. I keep thinking the people who have stood by me all this time are going to wake up and leave me because they can’t stand the person I am. I’ve tried to change, I really have. As the years go by and I think I’m getting wiser, I just realise I’m not. I’m still the same hypocrite I was 10years ago. I’m still the same gossip my bestfriend at 15 said I was. I’m still the cry baby who always wants it her way and doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not the only person on this planet. I’m still the person who believes in God but refuses to get saved, even though I know He’s the only one who’s going to get through this darkness. I can’t even stand myself, so why should the people closest to me have to put up with my shit?
